About strippers, dirty dishes and summer jobs.

Money. What a great thing to have. Unfortunately, when I set foot on Amsterdam ground (after spending half a year in New York) I had about 2 euro in my bank account. I blame it on the overpriced avocados, but some may beg to differ. My ex-flatmate for example is convinced I am complete rubbish at budgeting.

This is an illustration of an overpriced avocado

Anyways, the real problem was that I was planning on going on a holiday with my girlfriends, and let me tell you 2 euro does not get you far. Luckily not all was lost! I managed to get myself a job! Three jobs actually, because one must go hard or go home. One job that I liked and was good at, one job that I quite enjoyed but was really bad at, and one job that I absolutely hated but was quite ok at.

Job number 1 (A little sketchy)

This is the job that I am good at and really like (most of the time) ! The downside of it is though that the whole organisation is a little sketchy, and I still don’t really know what my exact job description is. I shall now attempt to explain the essence of this job: Okay, imagine there are boats, and there are tourists. Tourists like to go on boat tours. The company I work at promises to make your wildest dreams come true on these boats. For example; if one wants to enjoy a boat tour while eating pizza with a stripper and a giant man dressed as a mushroom, that can be arranged. My job is to find the boat, the stripper, the mushroom-man, the tourists and bring them all together on that boat. Once the whole ensemble is on the boat, which is usually quite a hustle because no one knows how to use google maps properly, the party can start. Essentially, I just make the tourists laugh a little, make sure they drink themselves into oblivion but don’t puke in the boat (or on the mushroom-man, stripper, captain, or me), and leave a GOOOOD tip. The latter is rather essential, since this oh so great company has not payed me any salary yet. As I mentioned before, it is a bit of a sketchy establishment. But all in all, I get paid (if I will ever get paid) to chill on a boat, which is pretty relaxed.

Job number 2 (Which is basically a lot of jobs in one)

Even though the boat-job is super chill, it is only a weekend job. Unfortunately, a weekend job (which also tends not to pay me) does not help me much with my money making aspirations. Therefore I got another job! Basically I found this online platform which lets you register as a freelance horeca employee. And let me tell you, the salary is good! There was a tiny little issue though; I have no experience in horeca jobs. I have never worked as a waitress, cook, runner or cleaner before. Nevertheless, I decided “Fake it till you make it” was the way to go. And I was convinced I could do at least a decent job. Boy, was I wrong! My first day as a waitress I dropped a full tray of ice tea, coke and beer all over myself. So not only was I bad at my job, I also was soaking wet for the rest of the day. The struggle was real, and I am pretty sure everyone noticed. But it all ended pretty well! With a little help from my colleagues I learned how to carry a tray, and at least pretend I know what I am doing.

On my first day as a cleaner I accidentally ended up being a cook. There I was; just casually washing dishes, trying not to slip over the grand poodle of water I created on the floor, when suddenly, in comes the chef. The chef, who thought it was unimaginable I was the cleaner, mistook me for the cook that was supposed to come in to help out in the kitchen. Without any warning or notice I get handed a bunch of limes and a random attribute (of which the name remains unknown to me). After rasping the limes with that utensil, the jolly good chef told me to make some cake batter. In that moment I did start to panic a little. Fortunately, the real cook came in at that moment. His entrance caused a bit of a confusion for the chef, as he realized a random cleaner was making cakes in his kitchen.

To sum it up; I quite enjoy this job. I learn a lot of new things and the salary is good. The downside is though, that I am really, really, really, bad at it.

Job number 3 (The job which is no longer my job)

Last but not least; the absolutely shitty job! They pay was a joke, and it was so boring that I would rather count grasshoppers until my dying day than work there ever again. Basically it was a retail job at a luxury mall. But since there were not that many customers, half the time I had nothing to do. What made it even worst is; that I had to pretend I was doing something all the time. I literally had to walk circles around the little area I was assigned, lift a shoe or something, put it back, walk a little more, lift another shoe, put it back, etc. etc. etc. Essentially, I was all alone, walking endless amounts of circles, surrounded by clothing items that cost more than my monthly rent. On a good day you would get some annoying lady asking three-thousand-eighty-one questions which led up to her not buying the item anyway, and trust me that was the most entertainment you would get. Stupid job.

In conclusion I now have 2 jobs, one sketchy one and one that I am rubbish at. Life works in mysterious ways, BUT, I do almost have enough money for vacation! Moral of the story: sometimes student life is hard and you have to pretend you are a cook in order to get money.

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